


Change of Heart

by JudyOct98



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-07 02:29:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20301967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudyOct98/pseuds/JudyOct98
Summary: Takes place during and after “Friendship One," after Joe Carey's murder Chakotay supports Kathryn's decisions and helps her overcome another crewmember's death.





	Change of Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired to write a filler scene for the missing ready room scene when Carey was killed and they went in to talk. It was obvious she was upset, I wanted to run with that idea.

Rating: PG-13/R, due to some adult situations involved. 

Change of Heart   
By J.A. Greene

Love Consists of This,   
That Two solitude's protect and   
Touch and greet each other.   
-Rainer Maria Rilke

"My ready room," Kathryn said, her voice tight with emotion as she stared at Chakotay on the upper level of the bridge near Tuvok's station. The news of Joe Carey's senseless murder upon beam-up from the hostage situation down on the planet while they were attempting to recover the NASA probe, Friendship One, still was vibrating through the crew. 

She turned and walked down the steps towards her ready room. Chakotay watched her, her shoulders were stiff, attempting to hold her up. He glanced quickly out towards the front of the bridge and headed over to her ready room. 

When he entered the room, he spotted her standing with her back to him before the viewports. Her arms were wrapped around herself as she stood stiffly waiting for him. She saw his reflection in the glass. 

"Captain?" he said gently. 

Kathryn put her hand on her mouth, trying to control the flood of tears that wanted to come. She clenched her jaw tightly, forcing the urge back. She was angry, so angry and so upset. Joe Carey's murder was uncalled for and unexpected, not just to herself but to everyone on Voyager. Joe was well liked, respected and they were his family for the past seven years. 

She drew in a deep breath finding control in her emotions. After a moment she said, "our first real mission for Starfleet in seven years since being stranded in this damn quadrant has turned into a disaster." He didn’t say anything, then she sighed and turned to him, "and what do I...tell his wife and kids?" 

Chakotay sighed, he caught her eyes, "the truth." She nodded, "Kathryn you could do nothing to prevent Joe's death -" 

She shook her head, "-I could have done something-"

"-You offered food and medicine," he said gently, "and he was still killed. Verin didn't have any intention of sending Joe back alive. That man is so angry at us for what happened to his planet and people, it was his way of getting back at us." 

She stared at him, her eyes burned from the threat of tears burning in the back of her eyes. Then she nodded, "your right," then paused, "it should have gone much smoother than this," and she turned away. A tear slid down her face, she wiped it away. She had to try and focus on a plan, there was only an hour, probably now less since they'd been in here. She couldn't and it was difficult, it was always difficult loosing a crewmember. 

Chakotay stared at her, he knew they were running out of time. But, he wanted to comfort her somehow, although he wasn't sure how. Their barrier remained standing, and no matter how much he wanted to hold her and let her cry over Joe Carey's death, he wouldn't do it. He sighed stepping up behind her lifting his hand slowly and gently placed it on her shoulder. She at first stiffened, then relaxed letting him leave it there. He gently squeezed her shoulder, she let out a deep sigh and he allowed himself to step a little closer to her. 

"Are you okay?" he asked her gently. 

She shrugged, her voice shook, "I will be." After a moment continued, “I hate loosing crewmember's Chakotay, especially after being like this for so long." 

"I know," he said. "Joe will be missed. He was a good man and a good friend. I can’t imagine what might have happened if B'Elanna went down as well."

She nodded, "thank god Tom said no." And then she turned to him and their eyes locked. He stared at her, she could see the love in his face and eyes and was so thankful he was there. 

Chakotay stared at her, a stray tear glistened just below her left eye. She was holding it in for the crew, just as she had so many times in the past. His heart went out to her, he absently reached out to stroke the tear away, but stopped himself at the moment he was about to touch her. "Kathryn -" he said tenderly. 

She quickly reached up taking his hand in hers right before he pulled away. His hand was soft and gentle, she remembered feeling it before leaving for the Borg cube a few months before. She knew then she didn't want to let go, but had to. 

"Can I ask you something?" she asked him, he nodded squeezing her hand gently. "Are you sorry our relationship didn’t become more than it could have?" He didn’t respond, "answer me," she said softly. 

Chakotay glanced downward for a moment averting her gaze. This was a question he wondered if it'd ever get asked by her. They always sidestepped it, and when he set the timeline straight not too long ago when the ship got fractured into the ships past and future. He wanted to tell Kathryn, the past Kathryn who worked with him to fix the fractures, that their relationship would become romantic. But he didn't, couldn't because it could have set off a whole new timeline. He kept the type of relationship they had. A wonderful platonic friendship, and tender when necessary. 

Now Joe Carey's death had forced her to ask it, to question their entire relationship. He decided to be honest with her, at this moment she needed that. He raised his eyes to hers, "Kathryn...I have always wished for more. I've always respected that barrier you set up between us, I always will. It will never stop me from loving and caring for you. Despite all that, we'll always remain the best of friends." 

Kathryn stared up at him, a soft smile forming on her face. Her heart melted when he claimed his love for her, but also told her he wouldn't act on it unless she did first. "I love you to Chakotay, I always will."

He then smiled gently at her, his other hand reached up stroking the side of her face gently. "Oh, Kathryn I've always wished to hear you say that." 

"I know," she said softly, "and with everything that's happened these past several months, I've wanted to say it, It...was just finding the right time." His hand was comforting, and she reached up placing her hand over his pressing his hand against her face. She closed her eyes, "I never thanked you for being there for me all these years." 

“Yes, you have," he said softly, she opened her eyes. "Each time we've had dinner, laughed and spent time together. I’ve cherished each and every moment with you since the day we met. And I'll be there for you as long as you need me." 

"Chakotay," she whispered as they stared at each other. Another moment passed and then she sighed, "we've got less than an hour to get Tom and Neelix back. I have an idea."

He smiled, "you never cease to amaze me Kathryn." He sighed, "but, your right, what's your idea?" 

Their hands lowered, but were still together. She sat down on the sofa, he sat beside her, before I tell you, when this is all resolved, I think we should have dinner again." 

He stroked her hand with a nod, "sounds good." He kissed her hand gently, and then said, "so, what's your idea?" 

Kathryn's idea was successful in rescuing Tom and Neelix, as well as, a newborn baby born to one of the natives. Otrin, the scientist they took back to the ship from the Delta Flyer and cured of his radiation poisoning was extremely cooperative in helping the ship and crew devise a way to neutralize the radiation in the planet's atmosphere. 

He was also able to prevent Verin from launching a nuclear missile at the ship still stored in one of the silos on the planet. 

After the ship had launched the torpedoes that neutralized the atmosphere, the natives were grateful, extremely. They were also overjoyed at seeing the sunlight again and to be able to start rebuilding their world. They let Voyager take the remains of Friendship One. Kathryn then sent down enough medical supplies and food to last them a couple of months. She also supplied them with enough treatment to take care of their radiation burns and poisoning, in which the Doctor showed them how to use the dermal regenerators, Borg nanoprobes that were programmed to heal them internally and to duplicate more if needed. 

When all that business was concluded and the ship was underway again, Kathryn had more depressing duties. She had to conduct a memorial service for Joe Carey. Before the service she spoke with Admiral Paris, who gave his condolences to her and the crew. It was then decided they invite the Carey family to participate in the service through the link.

Shortly before the service, Kathryn spoke privately with his wife in the ready room. She told her he'd be missed deeply among herself and the crew. She expressed her condolences to her and her children, then had the connection transmitted to the main viewscreen. Tuvok arranged for the Carey's to watch the service and his body launched into space. 

Once it was done, Kathryn pulled herself up straighter and said, "on behalf of my entire crew Mrs. Carey, we are truly sorry. He will be missed by us all." She could barely contain the tears that wanted to fall, but held them back. 

"Thank you, Captain Janeway," she said, her composure still shaken. "It's good to know that Joe was surrounded by friends, good friends all these years. I hope to meet you when you return. Joe's kids will be happy to meet you. All of you." 

"We'll all be sure to do that," Kathryn said with a nod. She glanced over at Tuvok who let her know there was less than a minute left to the link. "It was good to speak to you Mrs. Carey, but we'll be loosing the link anytime." 

"Safe journey," she said and the image began to dissipate and then static was seen. Tuvok terminated it. 

Kathryn stood quietly for a moment, and then turned to everyone. She scanned all their faces, some were wiping a few tears away. She looked to Chakotay, whose face remained calm. She sighed, "thank you all. Neelix has prepared a small dinner for later on. I hope to see you all there. Dismissed," they all turned back to their stations, those not on duty left the bridge. "Commander," Chakotay nodded, "I'll be in my ready room. You have the bridge," she turned and headed away. 

“Yes, Captain," he said, he'd change his dress jacket at lunch. He watched her walk into her ready room. Once the doors closed, he turned and sat down. 

=/\= 

Dinner that evening in the messhall was somber. Many sat or stood talking quietly about Joe Carey. Most were remembering him, his work ethics and the type of person he was. The only two missing at the moment were Kathryn and Chakotay, who were talking quietly in Carey's quarters. 

They sat staring at the small unfinished replica of the ship in a bottle. Both were impressed with the detail Carey had put into the replica. He glanced at her, "are you going to leave everything as is or pack it up?" 

Kathryn glanced around, she sighed, "the proper way would be to pack it all up so these quarters are available for someone...else," her voice broke. She put her hand to her mouth stopping the tears. He reached out taking her hand in his. She gripped his tightly, a few tears slid down her face, "but who's going to take them?" she asked him. 

"Then just leave it," he told her gently. "Besides, I don't think anyone will be a rush to do it. When it's time, it'll be done. Most likely, by someone in engineering." 

She stared at him and smiled softly through her tears, "what will I do without you?" 

He smiled gently, "you'd be okay -" 

She shrugged, "perhaps, but I won't like it." He smiled and kissed her hand. After a moment she pulled away and stood up. She put her hands on her hips glancing around, "I want to go home Chakotay -" 

He stood up and walked over to her, standing in front of her. He sighed, "Kathryn you’re just a little depressed -" 

She groaned, " -'just a little'?" And bit her lip. He stared at her, watching her eyes brim with the tears she was so hard trying to contain. This wasn't good for her, he knew that. He didn't want to see her enter another state of depression that once struck her almost three years before. Without saying another word, he slid his arms around her pulling her against him gently. Kathryn let her body sink into his as she closed her eyes resting her head against his shoulder. 

Chakotay held her gently, waiting for the tears to come. She still hadn't wrapped her arms around him as they stood in the silence of the room. He slid a hand up her back stroking gently and felt her shudder, "its okay Kathryn," he said gently. "Just let it happen. I'm here." After a moment she quietly let her pent up emotion go and she began to sob softly wrapping her arms around him. 

He crooned gently to her letting her cry. She cried not just for Carey, but for everyone else they had lost throughout the years since being stranded. She cried for all the hardships they had faced, the betrayals and the hostile encounters. 

He then lifted her up into his arms and carried her over to the empty bed. He sat them down with her beside him. She rested her head against his shoulder still, her tears were beginning to slow. 

"Oh my," she moaned beginning to wipe her face. "I haven't cried like that in so long." 

"-I think it was needed," he said gently, she nodded still not looking at him. He stared down at her, trying to get a look at her face. "Will you be okay now?" 

She wiped her face sighing, "I will be now, thanks to you." She lifted her head looking at him. Their eyes locked, her mascara had run some and her face was still flushed and damp. "I must look awful -" 

"-I think you look beautiful," he said tenderly. 

“You’re just saying that," she smirked. 

He shook his head, "no, I'm not." 

"Oh, Chakotay -" she whispered reaching up cupping the side of his face. He held her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist and palm. 

He desperately wanted to kiss her, but didn't want to cross that line. She was vulnerable right now, he wasn't going to take advantage of that. He stroked the side of her face and smiled softly, "are you hungry?" 

She stared at him, a smile formed, "what?"

"Are you hungry?" he asked her again. 

She pulled back some with a slight frown, "your just trying to distract me aren't you?" 

He shrugged, "maybe. But I am hungry and Neelix's memorial dinner is taking place now. Feel like making an appearance? They're going to wonder where we are." 

Kathryn smiled up at him, "you’ve made a good point. They will wonder, but I should really fix myself up first. Don't you think?" 

"Want me to go ahead -?" he began. 

She shook her head, "no, I think its best we arrive together. But let me go to my quarters first," she stood up, and then he did as well. "Let's go," she said wiping beneath her eyes one more time and they headed towards the door. She glanced quickly around the room one more time. She sighed, "computer, light's off," and they went out. She turned and walked out, he followed her. 

Three nights later, the ship was back on course again. Although many on board still grieved for Carey, life went on. Chakotay adjusted the shift rotations in engineering to accommodate for his absence. 

Out of all the engineers, B'Elanna missed him more than she thought. She didn't let anyone know, but Tom knew and comforted her. 

That afternoon Kathryn told Chakotay dinner would be in her quarters that night. He accepted looking forward to it. Then realized it was too bad he didn't have anymore of that cider... 

=/\= 

After dinner they sat in her living area drinking coffee. She sat curled on her sofa and he sat in the armchair. Soft music played and some of the candles she had lit were starting to burn down, glowing gently. The light flickered against the walls of her quarters and reflected on the viewports behind her as the stars slipped by the window. 

He loved spending this time with her, she was Kathryn here. He enjoyed seeing Kathryn emerge from her cocoon during these times. She was the most relaxed and probably even more beautiful in the candlelight. 

She stared at him tilting back her head, "do you wonder how we’ve managed to survive this long in the Delta Quadrant?" 

He smirked, "it's either a stroke of luck or just fate I suppose." 

She sat forward, "'fate'?" She smiled, "I never thought I'd hear you say that.”

He smiled at her, "well, in my own opinion, given the brushes we’ve had with the Hirogen, Vadwaar, Vidiians, Kazon, Species 8472, Devore, the Borg," he added. 

She nodded, "and the Borg. I call it more than just luck we survived all that." She grew quiet staring into her coffee, then added softly, "I never thought, my first command would take me to the other side of the galaxy." She sighed, "but, it's taught me more than Command School and a command in the Alpha Quadrant could ever have." 

"What's that?" he asked interested. 

She shrugged, "I’ve had to be much tougher than I thought I would. Smarter," she said with a soft smile gazing at him. He grinned, "and I've had to learn to connect with my crew probably more so than any other Starfleet captain has. We're all we've got, even with our regular links to Starfleet now, we are still alone out here." 

He nodded, "your right. We do have each other. We've become a family Kathryn, a very close family. Now when I think of about it, I don't think I'd have it any other way. And, I could vouch for many other's that feel the same way." She stared at him, he sensed there was more to this conversation than what she was letting on. He sighed, "Kathryn I know you and how come I think there's more to this conversation than you’re telling me?" 

Kathryn smiled at him, "perhaps there is." She continued to stare at him, and then she unfolded herself on the sofa and leaned forward placing her coffee on the table in front of her. 

He watched her slowly stand, his heart skipped a beat as he raised his head staring up at her. "Kathryn -" he said, she took his coffee from him. The look in her eyes was new. Different. 

"I've come to a decision Chakotay," she said, her voice somewhat breathless. 

He swallowed, something was different about her, he was sure now. He forced himself to speak, "what kind of decision?" 

Kathryn smiled softly at him, she was in her gray shirt. Her commbadge glittered in the candlelight. "This kind," she replied and turned sitting down in his lap. 

Chakotay gasped shocked feeling the weight of her against him. She was soft, he could feel the curve of her breast pressed against his chest. And he could smell the light scent of her perfume. She wrapped her arm around his neck gazing into his eyes, "Kathryn what-?" 

She delicately began to trace his tattoo, his eyebrow, he couldn't take his eyes off her. "I’ve decided on us," she said softly. His eyes widened, "after this mission, how close we faced death again, opened my eyes. Actually my eyes began to open after you rescued me from Quar'ren."

He knew what she was talking about then. 

She continued, "my affair with Jaffen woke me up Chakotay. Although it was short and not really my life, it allowed me to see what I missed all these years. Know what I remember before you found me?" 

He shook his head, "what?" 

Kathryn ran her finger alongside his face, to his chin tracing the dimple. "After my first time with Jaffen we sat on his sofa talking. I touched his temple -part of me was remembering you." 

Chakotay's heart thudded in his chest, he felt his breath grow short. Her close body contact was making him warm and aroused. He wondered if she could tell how hard he was starting to become. He swallowed, "is this real for you Kathryn?" He knew he sounded breathless. 

She nodded with a soft smile, she traced the outline of his mouth. "It is if you want it to be. I've kept you at arm's length long enough Chakotay." 

This was real, he couldn't believe it. He reached up taking her face in his hands, he stared deep into her eyes. "Kathryn are you sure about this?" he asked softly, he pushed part of her hair out of her face. "We're getting closer to home each month. I have a feeling we'll be home soon." 

She took his hands saying firmly, "Chakotay I’ve very sure about this." 

He stared at her, then to test the waters, he pulled her head towards his and brushed his lips with hers. She did the same to him, they both felt a spark travel between them. His thumb caressed her cheek, he smiled gently at her and this time kissed her again, much more deeper and gentler this time. She opened her mouth to his responding with a small sigh. He slid his arms around her pulling her tighter against him. 

Kathryn felt her body awaken to the scent and touch of him against her. He kept kissing her deeply and his mouth opened, their tongues meshing gently for the first time. One hand slid down her neck to her shoulder, she felt her hunger for him begin to build. The heat from their bodies was rising. 

Chakotay kissed her eyes closed, placing warm soft kisses on her forehead, temples, cheeks and worked his way down to her chin. His mouth kissed hers softly again when he passed it, then he placed a kiss on her throat. She tilted back her head, reaching up and running her hand through his hair gently. They kissed again deeply, their breath becoming short. The temperature between their bodies was becoming almost unbearable. He wanted her so much it was beginning to hurt. He then pulled away gazing at her while holding her face in his hands. "I love you Kathryn," he whispered. "I suggest we stop now or I won't be able to." 

She kissed each of his hands gently, "I love you to Chakotay." She took one of his hands and placed it against a breast, "I don't want you to stop." 

That was all he needed to hear. Her breast fit perfectly in his hand, he could feel her bud pressing up through her bra and shirt. He kissed her passionately again, she responded pressing her body against his. After several moments she pulled away, and then she stood up holding out her hand. He took it and she pulled him up to his feet, she began to lead him to the bedroom. 

He pulled her into his arms kissing her again, she responded finding the fastener to his uniform jacket and unzipped it. He shrugged out of it, she pulled his shirt out from his trousers, and he gasped against her mouth. He began to walk them with their arms wrapped around each other into her bedroom. 

Once inside, he pulled off his shirt and boots, and then took hers off. They kissed passionately again and he lifted her up placing her against the bed and joined her in her arms. 

A few hours later they lay under a sheet in each other's arms. She lay on her back staring up at him, as he lay on his side staring down at her. He was propped up on his elbow and was gently tracing the faint line of her throat and collarbone. She was reaching up caressing his other arm as it surrounded her.

“You're so beautiful," he said tenderly and kissed her gently. She responded, after a moment he began to kiss her face gently, she sighed placing her hand behind his neck. He whispered, "I never expected this Kathryn. I was more than happy for us to remain friends." 

She glanced at him, "are you sorry we finally did this?"

He stared at her, "oh no. I love you. Now we've just taken that next step. What about you?" 

She shook her head and lifted it kissing him gently, she whispered, "absolutely not. This decision wasn't hard to make finally," he smiled at her and kissed her deeply. She responded, their hunger for each other still motivating them. He pulled her against him, she wrapped her arms up around him. After several minutes he pulled away caressing her face, "we'll still be friends Chakotay. Always. Friends and lover's go hand in hand." 

"I love you," he told her. 

"I love you," she said and felt her body shiver when she felt one of his hands trail down between her breasts caressing. She moaned softly, "of course, we should set new parameters." 

He was now caressing a swollen bud with his thumb, the rest of his hand held her breast gently. He placed a deep kiss on her throat murmuring, "I kinda like the new ones we have now." 

Kathryn tilted back her head with a groan as he kissed slowly downwards. She knew where he was heading and encouraged it. She sighed, "so do I." He then looked at her smiling and they kissed with a little more passion this time. He pressed his body to hers as she arched her back to him. She slid her hands down his back to his backside caressing gently. 

He then rolled against her still kissing and they made love again that evening. 

Both woke early the next morning to more lovemaking before having breakfast. Later they sat the table dressed for duty. She sipped her coffee raising her eyes to his. "Do you think they'll be able to tell?" She asked him curiously.

He glanced at her, "depends on how well you can hide it. And knowing you, I don't think you'll have much of a problem." 

She smirked, "probably true. What about you?" 

He shrugged, "I think so, but I'm not sure how I'm going to manage to keep my hands off you." 

“You'd better," she said with her command tone, he grinned. She reached over grasping his hand, he held hers gently. "But," she sighed, "we should really keep this part of our relationship off-duty Chakotay." 

He nodded, "I agree." Then he sighed, "although knowing Tom, any hint of either of us acting slightly different, he'll be able to see through us like glass." 

She smiled, "oh, so true." She put down her empty coffee cup and stood up walking over to him. He wrapped his arms around her waist as she placed her hands on his shoulders. "I'll never forget last night and this morning."

He stood up pressing his body to her, "neither will I. Your so beautiful Kathryn, and I love you so much." 

"I love you," she said and they kissed gently again. After several minutes she pulled away, "we'd better stop, we have to go to the bridge." 

He nodded, "I know," she reached up stroking his upper lip. He smiled, "lipstick?" 

"I haven't worn it in awhile," she smiled. "The last thing we'd want to have the crew see is my lipstick on your mouth. Then they'll know what happened."

"Well, they already think we’ve been having an affair," he told her, "for the past several years." 

She frowned, "what? They have?" 

He nodded with a soft smile, "scuttlebutt in the lower ranks and not to mention Tom's wonderful ongoing betting pool on us."

She sighed with a groan, "now you're telling me this?" He grinned, then she sighed, "well, we won't want to disappoint them, would we?" 

He shook his head, "indeed not." He kissed her gently again and whispered, "of coarse I plan on removing that lipstick of yours later." She then smiled even bigger. He sighed, "come on, we're going to be late." 

She nodded pulling away and turned walking towards the door. They slid open and she quickly peeked out, "there's nobody out there," she glanced over at him. "Let's go,” and he grinned following her out at the same time gently swatting her backside. She gasped and hissed at him over her shoulder, "behave yourself, commander.” 

He nodded, "yes, captain," and they headed to the nearest turbo-lift. 

THE END   
Feedback Would Be Appreciated!!   



End file.
